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"Ayahuasca. The Journey To
Me"
By Anthony J. O'Reilly
Where it begins and where it ends
it's in two different places. The present journey started with a trip to the
Amazon, to an Ayahuasca healing retreat. The journey began way back in September
of 2005, and resulted in the reconnection of me to my self. The account below is
a little piece of that journey to my reconnection to my self, described below is
the trip to the Amazon, with thoughts, the ceremony’s that took place and the
visions that I saw during that time. Also included is some of the wisdom shown
to me during my time there.
01/06/06
Already the old is going. At Bristol airport the last cuddle with Teri, was a
point end to what was and can never be again. The plane took of and I could see
familiar landmarks from the air. For the first time since the trip was booked,
it felt sad to leave that part behind to be changed with the rest. I really felt
emotional and good-bye with Teri was the last one. Of course it’s was the last
one of the previous journey. But not the last one of the new journey, which had
begun. The plane increased its height heading for Amsterdam. Up through the
clouds high above the land. As the plane burst through the clouds, it reminded
me of the dream I had from the 1st Saturday night of the course (The
Way Of Kestrel). Where I flew upon the back of a red dragon, high above the
clouds and saw the bright white sphere. Even back then the call started.
As I looked out over the patchwork of clouds each like a tiny piece of land.
There were areas with no clouds, and you could see all the way down to the lower
earth. Houses small as dust, trucks, cars all as small as ants. In front a high
cloudbank moving in like a wave on a sea shore, preparing to engulf the lower
clouds in its path. Where the hole was I imagined the cloud wave falling through
the hole till it touched the earth, taking the sky and every thing there with
it. And so with the journey the same wash out the old. Recognise the new with
new wisdom and strength.
Finally arrived at the hotel in Lima. On the go for nearly coming up to 24hs.3
different time zones flown through. Lots of land, air and sea passed. Slept for
about 2-½ hrs, then off again.
02/06/06 (1)
Back, in flying mode. The last leg before the
jungle. Up at 02.00am shower, dressed, down stairs for 03.00am.And off to the
airport. Second time for a flight delay, due to system playing up, 1st one in
Amsterdam when they had the plane in the wrong departure gate. Hot my God, it
was hot at Bon Aire and last night when we landed here at Lima. This morning
there is a cool breeze. Will shop on the way back or see if Nestor can recommend
a market to buy things for the people back home. A goddess for Teri and a few
souvenirs for Sacha and Corinne, also get some postcards to send back. And of
course myself. Good conversation in the bar last night, indeed wisdom found in
different places.
02/06/06 (2)
Finally, here in the jungle camp. It is a very good move away from all the
people that I know and love. The big question, “Ayahuasca show me the wisdom I
need to know for me” The wisdom to be happy in myself, and how to assist others
through my healing. To reconnect to visions and dream time. Which assist me to
help others who come my way. To have more confidence in myself as a healer. Yes
I can do this, with the spirits and guides help, it is not all me. I am ready to
be reborn anew and to grow each day stronger on my medicine wheel…
Well tonight
the night, Paddy not tomorrow night. Tonight you meet the death the old you. And
the rebirth of the new younger you. 4% to go get out there and connect with the
vine, nature and yourself. Become the person you were meant to beat the start of
this life. Heal your tribe. Start when you go home. Teach and be taught by the
tribe, learn their wisdom and with their wisdom you will grow………..
02/06/06 (3)
I have a funny smell on my nose. I blow my nose, and I can taste and smell the
funny smell. I feel it is the Ayahuasca being prepared below for tonight. The
pull and the call is strong. I feel I have seen Don Leoncio before in a dream
sometime back. The tranquillity of the jungle is unreal; to appreciate it you
need to be here. Birds chirping their song and the cricket are chirping theirs.
The view from the hut reminds me very much of when in mediation looking up
through the canopy to the sky. Been here lots of times. Finally I have arrived
home, to find the lost me .How long has this part of me been here? I know not,
but no doubt a telling off, and then we become one again. The question is Why
Here. Of course the answer is staring me in the face. No distractions or anyone
to tell me how I should be. And what I should do and how to be. There are
visitors with me, I sense them. Ayahuasca willing I shall see.
Release yes to release for my own good. Is there fear? Yes without the fear
there can be no release, but it is only fear of the unknown. Which will become
known. The fear changed to joy, happiness and rebirth of the old into the new.
Old spirit comes through to this place and time.
All I want is you By U2
You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
you say you want
your story to remain untold
When all I want is you Paddy
Yes you Paddy is all I want
The full package firing on all cylinders.
MLK
By U2
Sleep
Sleep tonight
and may your dreams
be realized
if the thundercloud
Passes rain
so let it rain
let it rain
Rain on me
Oh let it pour and dream on me
03/06/06
(1)
The dawn, of the new day. How does a person describe the effects of Ayahuasca?
How does a person, realise there are more things in this world that we do not or
choose not to see. And there are more worlds than we know about. The taste of
the brew isn’t as bad as others make it out to be. You read testimonies, that as
soon as it is down; the body vomits it back up quick. Well I feel that this
would depend upon the persons state within them selves (IE their medicine
wheel). Ayahuasca purges the out the bad. The brew slipped down my throat to my
stomach. I felt the brew mix with my blood, DNA, body cells and connect to my
brain, both mind and old brain. My whole body and mind light up and felt very
light.
Eyes picked up movement. A bright sliver snake moves towards me. Lots of
pictures of the jungle as a flash of moving film. More different pictures come
in and out. Trees come into view a snake flashes past me in the right hand I see
female genitals, like it had just given birth. The jungle scene changes more
jungle comes into view. The shaman Don Emisael passes around the black tobacco
roll up. I take a big drag and start coughing as it caches in the back of my
throat. I start coughing badly and it scares me as it reminds me of Dad and how
he was. It was like him saying to me “I am still here for you just call and I
shall be there for you “. A thought forms within my mind that I had dealt with
his passing over months ago. I dismiss the thought and relax again.
I am then taken to a large building not of this planet. Inside it becomes
obvious that it is as a place of departure. The building is massive and inside
there is a departure gate for each country of the world. The feeling of peace is
in the air, joy and happiness’s well. I am moved about looking at the different
areas within the building. I am shown Peru’s departure gate and waiting area it
was bigger than the rest. As I am moved away I look through a glass window to
see a ship departing. Now out side looking at the landscape of planet I have a
sense of flying a bird’s eye view, like I am in a large bird. The eyes show a
place where it goes on forever and ever. No end can be seen here. My head moves
as if it was the bird’s head looking around. I try to pin point a place below
where I would like to see, as I do my head jolts.
The scene changes again flashing between the departure lounge and flying. I open
my eyes and look around. Everything and every one are within a fine grid. It is
as if I am being shown the web, which connects its green, and us all.
03/06/06
(2)
The whole room
is lighted by a matrix of the green grid (Web Of Life) within the web we all we
are all interconnected. As Don Leoncio is singing his icaros, he is taller and
his voices and song is from a higher level. Clever (the interpreter) is there
but there is something else with him sat at his feet. There is no back part to
the hut (There was before) it as melted away into the background. Around Don
Leoncio there are spirits moving near him. I catch as woman spirit dressed in
Peruvian cloths of old. She sees me and hides behind him. I see Don Emisael is
also taller then he really is and there are spirits around him as well. Behind
is se the jungle flash as more spirits arrive. Top right hand side I see a wispy
spirit arrive and go. Around the hut a spirit is running and moving about.
03/06/06
(3)
On the left I watch a tree grow fast, and a vine grows with it. It disappears.
There where other visions mixed in, these will be added on as they come back to
me. The reference will me C1 = Ceremony 1. The visions themselves where solid.
And the realisation is that we are not the only things with spirit. There
is spirits all around all we have to do is see with our eyes, heart and spirit.
The departure lounge showed me that we booked our time here on this earth. How
we arrive and in what form is written on the ticket. The sense of being inside a
bird and wanting to go down to have a look was stupid of me. The bird spirit
allowed me to have a share of its vision and head. In my stupidity I tried to
become the bird. For this I am sorry, please accept my apology. It was a typical
action “I can do this “but it takes years to be a bird but a second to be
stupid. I would rather have wisdom then the stupid part. But we learn the wisdom
by our mistakes.
We are who we are. Changes come when they have to don’t force the changes…. Go
with the flow…be pure in heart, spirit and love.
Sitting in the hammock earlier today. For a change a white view when I close my
eyes. In comes a healing lodge with a ceremony is taking place. Trees appear
black against the white background.
When Don
Leoncio was singing the jungle lit up opening and closing as if animal spirits
where having a look in on the action. I also remember walking across a log over
a river and watching a log turn into a crocodile.
Photo courtesy: Angela Arndt -
Copyright
© Angela Arndt
04/06/06
(1)
Wisdom indeed can be found everywhere. On this camp also there are 3 others,
Angie (in blue), Jennifer (in brown) and Patricia (in the middle). Patricia is
here for 7 months receiving healing. Angie and Jennifer are for the same amount
of time as myself. Angie and Jennifer are really good friends and seem to do
every thing together. Full of life and love for the planet and fellow man. Taken
lots of psychedelic things. Both very in touch with themselves.
The wisdom here love all people. Even those that operate on a lower energy level
than you do. Go down to their level and talk to them on the same level, and
gradually bring them up to your level. Learn to laugh and joke each day. Make it
a priority in your life. This one thing could make a difference in some one
else’s life. The other wisdom learnt here is I am glad I came alone. Although
one can support the other. I wonder who’s dream is it being flowed. Who came for
the ride and who did not?
One thing
Sacha said, “The journey is one taken alone” For me it is a spiritual quest, and
the girls maybe just a trip, I am not sure. I feel the shamans know and only
gave the girls a small cup of the brew?
(Please note
thoughts made at the early stage of the retreat. Angie came to find new
creativity and Jennifer to go to the next level. Both at the end found what they
where looking for. And I have made two very good friends who shared my journey
with me
J)
When to bed
very early last night and slept very well, it is now dawn and the camp is coming
alive. Even if you took away the Ayahuasca. The camp is good for refection upon
life itself. No TV, electric, hot water, radios etc, and it feels like home. The
people are kind and nothing is too much trouble for them. I feel a little
isolated by not being able to speak the language. But it is the same wherever
you go you would end up being very multi lingo. I feel like a king, which is
sad, as I am not a king. The feeling of wanting to do something I feel would be
met with “No its okay “. It is very hot and sticky and it is only 07.30am,not
even sure what day it is they all roll one in to the other here. Time is man
made after all. Get up at sunrise, go to bed at sundown. Work early, sleep
during the hottest part of the day, do a little more then to bed and
sleep.
04/06/06
(2)
Just being here makes one wonder: who is the richer in life? Those who are well
of and only worry about what is on the TV? Or the people of Iquitos who live a
simple way day-to-day and only think about having enough food. But with this
they are happy. They don’t have the trappings of the western world; I feel that
they don’t have greed. They love and work together in harmony and they harmonise
with nature. Our western world takes too much for granted. We have our cars.
Okay they have cars, but not out here, it is either legs or bicycle to get
around. How many of us would die in the process of walking around. Quite a few.
To know oneself, one has to love oneself and others with no judgement. There
will be those that seek your power. But when you love yourself you will be able
to see their true motive. Just hearing Angie and Jennifer talking I see another
part where I lack. And I that is loving myself for who I choose to be this time
round. I must and will love me for who I am and learn to laugh again as a child.
05/06/06
(1)
The second ceremony took place last night. Something didn’t feel right. The
energy was very different. Last night it defiantly didn’t feel that it should go
ahead. I dismissed the thought after looking into it, as it being my mind
playing up, in not wanting to realise the blocks etc.
20.00 hrs: the shamans had not arrived. Clever was wondering where they had got
too. A little while later they arrived. I sat there calm and collected, prepared
myself for my intent for the journey ahead. The cup was handed to me I looked it
was only quarter full. I thought to question this, as we were told it would be
full. But I did not as I believe the Shamans knew what they where doing. I said
to the Ayahuasca my intent and what I would like to receive from the spirits. I
drank it down in one, and closed my eyes. I noticed that it did not race around
my body and connect as the previous time. All I saw was darkness. I didn’t feel
any different than before I took the Ayahuasca. We smoked the black tobacco,
even this felt milder than the 1st time. Then I sat there; eyes
closed and saw darkness again. Don Emisael starts to sing, and then it begins
the visions.
Out of the darkness came fine fibres as if part of a web. Then there was leafs
appearing with the fibres coming of them at the tips and where they connect to
the trees. Then it moved to a tree, which had been almost cut down by an axe. I
saw the axe come in for the final blow. As the axe finished its job the tree
screamed out as it fell to the ground. I heard the scream. Movement and I am
taken to another place, there are tree sumps everywhere, and there is no life at
all. There is a harsh wind blowing the dust all around, and all I can see is
destruction and hear the screams still resonating in the air of the last moments
of the trees and wildlife that once existed there.
I am move on again the screams still within my ears, cannot block them out if I
tried. There are more leafs with fine fibres coming of them. I see a pile of
wood and see 5 fibres going deep down into the pile. On the leaves is what looks
like bubbles of water. I look some more and see a 5 star-shaped flower with what
looks like a red flower. The bubbles are going into the leaves of the plant. As
if feeding the plant. I ask for more brew, I drink it down in one go, down it
goes, I am not even sure of the time. I feel sick, release is near, I hear “Come
let go of the fear come into the unknown” I vomit a little but it is stomach
acid. I feel it burn my throat and mouth as it comes up. The feeling of
something going never to be again hits me like a huge wave. I feel a very big
empty void, a feeling of total loss and bewilderment as to the visions I had
saw. A stark reminder that we are just an illusion. Don Leoncio started singing,
as Don Emisael was unwell for a couple of minutes. The icaros was a sad one and
made me fill more scared, and like a child I cuddled myself in the corner as far
in as I could get. Watching and waiting for what was next to come. I could not
get the screams out of my head. Jenny at some point left the room to go and lie
down. Angie went to the toilet. The 1st time I saw her go the second
time I did not and swear blind that she was stood in the doorway all the time.
Until she came back in and sat down. I looked to where Clever was sat and saw a
snake of luminous light slide down his left side as I watched; I could see the
four bright colours that it was made form. It came down pass Don Leoncio and
towards me and disappeared. I also watched Angie’s feet melt into the floor.
The ceremony was over not long after this point; Clever asked me how I felt?
All I could say was that I was scared, nothing but the screaming of the trees in
my head. I went back to my hut and\sat on the step. And began to feel more peace
full with my self. As if the void was being refilled .I then went to bed and
when I got up I felt alive and buzzing all over.
05/06/06
(2)
When Don Emisael came with Clever. Clever said “Don Emisael is concerned because
you did not see good [things] last night “So I repeated the night's events to
them. Don Emisael said, “The fine fibres are the plants way to connect to the
energy. The destruction of the trees is a message to others that this could
happen, in years to come. The 5 star shaped plant you saw is the Chacruna, the
other night you saw the Ayahuasca last time growing on the tree. This time you
have been shown the other plant that makes up the brew” Clever said “you have
powerful visions”. Don Emisael agreed with him and said: “Continue with
Ayahuasca and you will become a Shaman” before you go back I will give you
protection, and call you to me and I will travel with you”. Clever said: “all he
needs is your name written on a piece of paper”. I said “Yes” to both offers, I
would be a fool to refuse such company along my path.
The surprise words here where “and you will become a Shaman” as I thought that
it is your tribe that call you that, and you earn the title. It seems that I am
premarked for it, this is the path that I should have been on years ago, and
this is not ego, as it came from a Shaman. All seems to be falling into place
with my path. But a word of caution, this all could change in no time. Nothing
is set till you get there. Paths always change direction and move about quite a
lot. Keeping the connection, to ones higher self and the higher plane is needed
to be maintained. The balance with in will be very sensitive to the slightest
change on the different levels. Which is what the vision showed me in the way it
gave me the fear. But with that fear came wisdom. As I sat in my hammock this
morning, Tunes where coming into my head and I found my self-beginning to
whistle and singing in a different language that I did not know. I will ask Don
Emisael if it is possible for one to be given icaros to use when healing. Not
quite sure about this part. Don Emisael said “The Ayahuasca is teaching you
about healing”.
06/06/06
(1)
I have just put the date in here, and it is the same numbers. The end becomes
the beginning and the beginning becomes the end. Of course there are no end only
the start of a new journey in each of us. And they can roll along nicely, with
only a little disruption depending upon the person concerned at the time. Pangs
of homesickness, no not here. Everywhere else I have after a couple of days
wanted to go home. But here I feel happy and peace full. Yes I miss those I love
deeply within the circle of my heart, and those I have placed outside. I wish
them well on their journey of life, and may they find their own inner peace and
happiness as they go.
We create our life and also along with our loved ones. We sometimes create
trouble for ourselves. But be thankful for the times of trouble, as they can
(and do) make you a better person in the end. You may not see the way it does,
but by working the troubles out in your heart you can see the wisdom within and
the reasoning behind it all. From my hut I can see a Turkey Vulture, sat in a
tree. As far as I can tell it has been there since yesterday afternoon. It flew
of at some point, but must have come back before dark. Should be interesting to
see if it is there tonight. As it I feel a good omen, as is the date. Tonight I
feel will see more blocks removed and more release of what is not needed
anymore. Making room for more new wisdom to come in.
I feel at peace with myself. The ceremony on the 4th left me thinking
“Oh shit. What have I done to myself”? What I have done is broke down the old
conditioning, and the void that was left is for the new peace that I feel within
myself. And for the new wisdom, to fill the space. A journey of this kind is a
real spiritual call. Ayahuasca is not a recreational drug. She can show you good
things, but also you will be shown the darker side. Which will bring along death
so the rebirth can begin.
The plants fear for this planet is, we has humans (who where meant to be the
caretakers of earth. not that we are doing a good job of it) are going to
destroy this life and along with it the wisdom of the plants. If Ayahuasca hit
the western world big time. I feel we will lose the true spirit of the plant, as
a healing plant. As a tourist kick, this should be stopped. As this is an abuse
of the plants spirits. People need to be in correct balance and have a good
reason for taking the brew of death and rebirth.
06/06/06
(2)
We when for a jungle walk today. It kind of started out good, to see the
different trees up close. And the different types of plants. And to see a
different kind of Ayahuasca growing natural. To hear the frogs singing, and most
of all to see the 5 star plants that I saw in my vision, the Chacruna. But then
what changed this was the usage of the knife to clear the path. This upset me
(and the girls) very deeply. In that plants and even small trees where killed
for my benefit found my self saying “sorry all the time please forgive me” Had I
known I would of not taken part in the walk.
I feel that the path should have been clearly marked and we should be able to
pick our way through very carefully. Even at tree trunks the clang of the knife
could be heard, as the knife was taped upon it. Trees fear man, already as it
has seen the destruction of its family and others with in the area where it
lives. How long before we lose all contact with the spirits of the forest not
just here but all over this planet. And where on this fragile planet we call
home. This planet isn’t ours we are just the caretakers, which we cannot even do
that right. Until we can love our fellow man/woman and have a deeper
understanding of each other for the better. We cannot even begin to understand
the earth for its true self. But there are those who can understand the earth
for its true self. We need to learn from them fast before it is too late. We are
all on browed time. Plants have been here longer than man and will out last us
in years to come.
07/06/06
(1)
The 3rd ceremony was last night. We had 2 new people with us Victor
and Francesco Mexicans. The energy felt better than then the last time. Close my
eyes se my intention as before. Don Emisael preformed a protection for the
girls, for a safe journey and me. Don Leoncio handed me the black tobacco roll
up, I took it and put it in my mouth from the end he offered to me. I took the
brew, down in one go, after setting my intent for the journey. I smoked the
tobacco, and blow the smoke over my self as instructed to by the shamans. And
even before I finished the roll up I see the coloured snakes (eyes open) coming
in. I close my eyes.
Please note the content of the visions written here and are true, there is only
truth written here and it is from my heart that I write. The description maybe
to the reader from the mind of a mad man. This is not so I am in the place of my
true self, and what I have seen is the connection to the Ayahuasca and the
spirits. My fist 2 journeys where the preparation for the visions of last night.
During Don Emisael doing the protection part, I am told to concentrate and to
keep the concentration. Back to eyes closed.
Black, back to darkness, the energy lines come into view .I am taken past trees,
some are stumps but there is a lot of life here. A lot of plants 5 star in
shape, different sizes but all 5 star in design. Next I see a shape, it is a
very bright colour, as I watch I see what can only be described as a butterfly
come out form it, it goes and as it goes another comes back and rejoins the
shape. From the tips of the wings I see the now familiar fibres and the colours
of the butterflies are very bright and they are almost translucent watch and one
comes and one goes as if they have a job to do. They are coloured bright blue
and white cream and green with a very peaceful glow, very pretty to look at. It
is as if I am being shown the life force of the leaves on the plants and trees
and us humans.
The feeling of peace and tranquillity came over me. Food going out to the
various parts of the framework of the plant or tree and even inside me. From
there I was taken back to darkness. From the top came the bright coloured
snakes. Along with the energy fibres mixed in. The snakes began to go very thin.
Then I saw layer upon layer of lines and shapes beginning to form. More and more
would appear. As if the whole vision was lots of spirits and snakes coming and
going .I heard some one say” Yes you can see us. But we will move around, and
change so you cannot see our solid shape”
Enough with eyes closed lets have a look with eyes open. WOW what a sight met my
eyes the whole room was alive with spirits and snakes (the colours of the snakes
are bright white, bright green, bright blue and bright red. And where very
transparent and luminous). Lots and lots of the snakes, they would part and I
would see more and more of the shape of the transparent spirits in the room.
07/06/06
(1)
Don Leoncio moved to the middle of the room, and started to sing .I could see
spirits move around him. As I watched more and more came in the door and down
from the roof. They moved around him and I looked at Don Enisael it was the same
with him. I looked to where the girls where sat, all I could see was the
coloured snakes energy, Clever was covered as well. I looked towards the two
Mexicans, the snakes where above their head. Don Leoncio sang to the Mexicans
and I see the snakes stay above, but the energy lines came down and I could make
out the spirits dancing all over the Mexicans. Don Leoncio sang to Victor and as
he sang I could see Don Leoncio's energy coming out of his mouth towards Victor.
It kind of looked like a dragon breathing fire. But as short dashes in a fan
style, moving very fast.
The girls had
moved to meditate together with each other. I went out to the toilet and said as
I went passed “Are you two okay”, "yes” came the reply. On the way back I said,
“You two are glowing” Jenny replied, “Your awesome sat back and just watched the
spirits dance and move about the room. Don Leoncio called Angie over and sang to
her, I was so temped to move to see the energy exchange. Jenny came back in and
sat near Don Leoncio and Angie facing them side on. And then I saw the most
beautiful sight. Jenny sending energy to Angie. I watched as it cam from her 3rd
eye, in waves much like this
((((((((((((.
And as it reached Angie I saw it mix with the energy of Don Leoncio and Angie.
Then I saw a what can only be described as a couple of brains floating in space.
They where floating in a white greenish light really pure .Now and then a ball
would attached itself to them and then detach and go. I thought I had fallen
asleep at this point and sat there blinking my
eyes, no my
eyes where
still open
wide. It wasn’t till Don Leoncio move did the vision go. Then back to more
spirits moving and dancing around till the ceremony finished .I remember at the
beginning watching by the back door a spirit solid in shape look in then when it
saw me looking it hide very fast. As if I was not meant to see it. Last night I
went to sleep with Snow-cap Mountains in my view. Before I woke had a dream that
I was at my mothers (I think) and Don Emisael was by my feet clearing the blocks
in my legs by blowing smoke on them.
Picture courtesy: Angela Arndt -
Copyright
© Angela Arndt
08/06/06
(1)
It is true save the best till last. The Ayahuasca connected with me straight
away. I had the black tobacco and as I smoked it I could feel the connection
getting stronger and more powerful didn’t think that I would finish the roll up.
As I finished the last puff, it was lights out. The spirits are up and running.
It was BANG let go for the greatest ride of your life. The description below may
repeat it self as the full report of the last night was written on the 13/06/06
and 14/06/06.Reason the brain had to work out how to write the visions that I
saw. And it is easier to say what I saw and experienced during the ceremony. And
so it begins.
13/06/06
(Ceremony 4)
The Ayahuasca hit the spot very fast. The others said I went straight way. As
mentioned I still had the black tobacco to smoke. The Ayahuasca hit every single
part of me, in mind body, spirit (OBE) and emotions, all at once no stopping
till I was completely wired up and on my way. When I finished the tobacco the
feeling when into over drive. All I could do was obey the spirits” Do what you
have to” My eyes felt like they where pushed right back into my old brain area,
right at the back of my skull. And I was looking (eyes closed) at a body that
was empty from the back of my skull where my eyes had ended up.
14/06/06
(Ceremony 4)
I had no
ideal of where or who I was. All the concept of me was gone. Spirit fully wired
up by Ayahuasca. My whole body felt empty and limp, to even move my arms, my
fingers and even to wiggle my toes took a great effort. I recall hearing “What
the #### have happened. What have you done”? With my eyes closed there was once
again darkness all around; Mixed in now and again was the fibres and flashes of
light. Into the darkness came a load of spheres attached to what looked like a
fan of some sort. Kind of like fish eggs attached to seaweed, the fans where
waving and the spheres would arrive and attach to the fans and some would go. I
move forward to the shape that I can see and step through the fans and WOW. What
a view bright lights everywhere. Some thing is moving about as if on a job (I am
sat up for this part) I begin to feel a little fear and become aware of my heart
beating 20 to the dozen. My stomach gives a growl of upset and I feel wind
moving .I sit cross-legged with my hands on my knees, my heart is still beating
to fast. My head I have no senses of control over, it moves from side to side
backwards and forwards on its own freedom, regardless of what the brain tells it
to do. I become aware of the Mexicans burping, farting and groaning. Which I
quickly dismiss as a lack of respect for the others. I open my eyes and
the whole room is dark apart from cosmic lights, snakes and spirits all around.
My stomach tells me it is not happy. I close my eyes and I see lots of fibres
and lights. Suddenly I see a vast city, my heart is beating very fast. I grasp
the sick bucket and put it between my crossed legs, put my hands on my feet and
lean over as if to shut everyone else in the room out. I burp a few times (quite
as I can be) and re close my eyes.
The vision that greeted me I will never forget. You could say at this point I am
mad, but I am not .Who is mad the person writing this journal or the person
reading it. I also should point out, before I put my head down as if to be sick.
I told my heart to relax and enjoy the journey ahead as there is nothing to
fear. I also remember my bladder was rather full. As I put my head down and
closed my eyes I vast city came into view. As I looked from the back of my skull
it was in 3d.Bright shining colours, I moved my head in further to decrease the
distance to what I saw.
As I looked I became aware of the shapes and that it was bigger than any city on
earth. The colours where amazing. I was fixed by the brightness and the clarity
of the view. I could make out the taller buildings, which had point on the top
of them. To my right I heard a mosquito fly by. And I remember raising my head
with eyes still shut. And ass I did I heard a motor sound. My head looked
forwards, backwards, left, right and all around as if it was independent of my
body, searching out from where the sound came from. I recall a voice saying to
the mosquito” Yes I know you are there”. As my head went back to the position
from where it started, I realised that I could see still see the city. But the
top was missing, where the top should have been there was darkness. And it
wasn’t till my head went back into place did the darkness disappear.
And now for the funny part how long I looked at this view I know not, time has
no meaning here. I moved my eyes around and opened them the city disappeared. I
looked at my feet and to where my hands were resting on them. It felt as if they
had become one melted together. I was not even sure what these things where for.
The room was dark all I could see was light snakes and spirits spinning around.
Lines of colour would appear and blossom in to brightly coloured flowers\ of
energy. I think my brain said” Wee Wee time”. So I asked Clever to take me to
the bathroom, as I wasn’t sure of this shell that I normally inhabit, and how to
work it was a big mystery to me. Before moving I looked at my feet and felt them
with my hands as if they where something new to me. I brought my feet closer to
my eyes one by one and looked at them. After I got up my legs where for the best
part uncooperative and I wasn’t sure how to get them work. I wasn’t even sure
where people where so I took a big step and then ended up shuffling like an OAP
with a Zimmer frame with Clever giving me support.
I felt like a baby taking is 1st steps slowly and unsure. My head did
its own thing, my arms acting as if they where in space, both searching and
looking for something. I got so far and I heard someone say “time to shut down”
Click the switch had been thrown and my whole body went limp no one home, spirit
out to play. Clever nudged me and of we set again, from where my eyes where I
had no ideal of distance and when I reached the end of the bed I tried with my
right hand to touch the wall that I could just make out. My arm came up and
around and stopped in mid air as I looked at it as if it was something that I
had not seen before, like it was alien to me, I hadn’t a clue what it was and
what its function was. We turned to the bathroom, and Clever propped me against
the wall and when to get a torch. All I could see was more wonderful lights and
spirits; these would change into small flower shapes everywhere. Clever came
back with the torch and then the next problem began. I stood there patted my
pockets my back side, my front my chest and I did this again For the life of me
I couldn’t find where I kept it. Finally I located it and stood there and
waited. Sods law when you want to go and some one is watching you the wee gets
shy and decides not to make an appearance. And yet the bladder is full. Clever
took me back, and as he released me I turned and fell back wards and laid down
(for the 1st time), stomach, bladder and wind having a real good
moan. I put my head against a post for some support and feel the wood and see
the wood transparent. I said to the wood take me to where you came from. Whoose
of we go and I see the area from where it was from. And its friends and family
that was near him. Then I am back in the room.
My eyes (which are shut unless stated) are aware of different colours, shapes
and sizes. As they look I can see fibbers and movement of light. I am looking at
my body from the inside, there are no bones. Only nerves, veins and energy and
fluids. It is a vast city in its self.
To my top left I am aware of the shape of a city, not of inside me or of this
world. I am stood by a transport tube; I watch as a person gets in and Whoosh
he/she is sent to another part of the city. It then changes to green like fibres
coming in and they to form a city. My Stomach gives a growl of discomfort and my
eyes swivel down to look (still in the back of my skull), and I see a river with
what looks like people boating on it. I move my hands and feel the nerves as the
movement takes place. It takes a lot of concentration to put them back to their
place and the feeling is really sensitive.
I become aware of one of the Mexicans being sick, quite near to where my head is
resting. I sit up for a while and look around and see brown lights in amongst
the darkness, green and lots of other colours as well. I look towards Clever and
all I can see is bright white, I cannot make his head out, but his body looks as
solid as a rock. Jenny at some point has gone to lie down. Angie moves and is
sick, then disappears to the bathroom. Don Emisael has been singing all this
time. Don Leoncio as arrived and starts singing. I sit with my eyes closed and
images of long ago flood in and out; form the days of old when I was a child. I
start to smile and can feel the nerves tingle and release. Laugh like a child
Angie said at the early part of the week. As these view come and go I realise I
have tears in my eyes. My breath I can for the first time in hours feel the air
going up my nose and down to my lungs, and back out again. I am also aware for
the first time of my heartbeat it is steady and normal.
Don Leoncio has moved to sing to us men and I can hear one of the Mexicans
tapping alone to the song. In my head I feel my eyes swivel and follow around to
my right and hear my self “for #### sake will you stop that” And he did it no
more. More child images come and go. As the ceremony draws to a close I feel
some sort of return to my body and a connection is made. Still a very light
feeling all over my body. The ceremony finishes and I lay out. With my eyes
still shut, lots of snakes and shapes come in and out. I hear Angie say “Paddy I
want a hug. Relax and get up slowly” I stand up rather shaky as if I am not use
to this body. We hug and I ask, “Did you get what you wanted “?”Yes came the
reply. We sat and swooped experiences, and I find out from Clever just how long
the toilet part took it took 20 minutes from start to finish. The girls (Angie &
Jenny) said, “Paddy went straight away” It was like BANG I am gone.
We sat and smoked a roll up, and I felt like a new person. I felt like a child
and said”#### me we can swear and smoke as there are no grown ups to tell us
off”. Angie found what she was looking for .A new creativity for her work, a
blank canvas, for her to add her own colours to. Jenny found the next level of
her understanding and new visions. Me connected fully to myself, in spirit,
mind, body and emotions. And I have found the child in me once again, which is
the one thing that I have not seen in years. Would I go again? Yes I would go
again. I would recommend it only if I felt the person was going for the correct
reasons and not just for a kick. The medicine is kind, but it will revel all the
darkness within a person before it can heal. Be balanced within yourself on all
levels prepare yourself for the journey.
Be of clear and sound intent on all levels of your being and I believe that you
will as I was be blessed many times over.
Photo courtesy: Angela Arndt - Copyright
© Angela Arndt
15/06/06
The last entry of the trip gives as far as I can remember; a detailed report of
the last ceremony that took place on the 08/06/06. What was the result? The
result was me, being reconnected to my self, on all levels; my subtle fields are
no longer playing catch up with my body. Just finished 3 days away from home
again. Finally Friday and the weekend and a chance for me to put my feet up and
relax. And type up me journey to the Amazon on to he computer. With what I saw
and did, and what I found. And what I found was MYSELF. My lost childhood, my
ability to be like a child. And re-linked to my spirit and my spirit re-linked to
me.
Some may say that I could of found this and done at home. The answer is No
because if I could then I would have found it way back. The call of
the Ayahuasca was strong and needed. The journey needed to be taken away from
those who love me. Just me on my own, but connected to those behind in spirit.
The support from them I can never repay. But only by me and continuing, to grow
strong upon my path they will be repaid.
Teri said on
Sunday: ”You are more lose and relaxed”. So you see it already has paid for
itself. How long will it last?
FOREVER!
Photo courtesy: Angela Arndt -
Copyright
© Angela Arndt
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